My name is Monica Vasileva and I am a creative artist. I have four published books so far – “Give yourself the gift of the desired body”, “Diary of the extraordinary woman”, “When Ina met Yan” and “The sunrise”. In each book I planted a seed harvested from my heart. I’ve accepted writing as my mission and thus giving away sunrises to as many people as I can – sunrises of hope, inspiration, love and light emotions. I am in a happy relationship for 15 years. I have a 10-year-old daughter. Varna is the city I was born in and where I live now. Books are my biggest passion – writing them, reading them, studying them, breathing them… I love spring, sea, chocolate, feelings of being in love and inspiration, sunrises, hugging trees and observing ants building their anthills. I believe in kindness.
Which were the best moments in your life so far?
The first time I touched my child. Perhaps no mother could answer differently. And still, this answer could never be a cliché. As motherhood is a magic of its own. A miracle. A meaning. All emotions led to a point of singularity. Motherhood is closest to the divine love.
With closed eyes I summon in my mind the best times of my life. When I was falling in love. When I was making dreams come true. When I was helping. Following my heart’s whisper, despite my shouting fears. Embracing. Overcoming weaknesses and vices. Each time I felt full of love was a wonderful moment in my life.
What is the hardest thing you overcame?
Funerals of closed ones.
Releasing myself from my own inner prison.
Separations I was not ready for.
Each time with my daughter in front of the emergency room.
What do you believe in?
God. Love. Kindness. I believe even the saddest sunset is a few hours away from the new sunrise.
Do you believe in the people?
Yes. I believe that when I am happy, there is a cell in your body smiling without you knowing it. When you grieve, a tear falls in my sleep. I believe in people, as we are all connected. If we lose our faith in people, we lose faith in ourselves. And this is the scariest sentence.
Do you believe in yourself?
As years go by, I believe in myself more and more. I become more humble. Believing in yourself does not mean sticking your head out and thinking you can conquer the world. I consider true self belief to be humbling your ego and walking your own way convinced that everything is exactly as it should be. Believing in yourself means trusting your existence and faithfully following the directions pointed by your innermost self.
What do you dream about? What do you hope for?
First, health for all my closed ones. I dream of raising a child who will be a responsible and happy adult making her dreams come true. I dream of many more books to write. Journeys. I dream of our world becoming a better and better place to live in.
Is there something important you don’t have time for?
Every once in a while I check my priorities. I think every person should – stealing some time and looking at our lives from aside. Do we find enough time for all important things for us? My priorities are my family, writing, my work, personal time for self-discovery, reflection and spiritual renewal, my friends. I don’t complain of my time not being enough. I simply arrange my schedule by my priorities. I barely watch TV, I avoid long phone calls, I don’t waste energy in things I don’t consider “mine”. I have enough time to work, to write, to have time for myself and to dive into every day’s unpredictable adventures.
Is forgiveness important in your life?
I consider forgiveness important in every person’s live. One sooner or later dies inside without forgiveness. Forgiveness is resurrection. It is somehow showering down the soul’s dust particles of anger, insult, fear, hatred polluting our inner world. I think forgiveness should be a daily ritual, as our daily lives are full of such dust.
To me forgiving myself is the hardest. I find it very hard to forgive myself. As years go by, I learn slowly. I repeat to myself I am simply human. I try to embrace my imperfect human nature and to bring more light to more and more parts of my soul. To be able to create myself with more understanding and compassion. There are still things I haven’t forgiven myself for. I have (yet) many lessons to learn.
Do you live more in the past, present or future?
Past, present and future intertwine in a sacred braid, falling heavily on my back. I remember where I come from. I remember what I was. I remember the fights I have been through. The future also sparks in my eyes, it burns there, as I am able to see vividly the direction I am headed. And the present is the celebration happening at this glimpse of time in my heart. Past and future dance together in a sacred harmony on the dancefloor of my present. This dance is my life.
Do you like the time we live in?
I like it. I know it’s easy to talk about all genetically modified food, low wages in Bulgaria, political unrest. I also don't like GMOs, wars, hunger, poverty. I don't like how much my grandmother's pension is. I don’t like corruption - in politics, in medicine, in the private sector. But in our time we are free. Our voice matters, our choice matters. Our time is more that ever filled with possibilities, unlimited possibilities. Our time sparkles with the divine potential of awakening. I like our time. It only requires us to be more active. To continue creating new and better realities. Our time more than ever calls for our awakening and living as productively and consciously as possible. Creating a new reality.
Is there a place and a journey you care about the most?
I mostly care about the journey towards myself. We could travel the world, but as long as we don’t face the direction to our most sacred essence, we have seen nothing. I think we all come to this world to make this journey happen. To come back home. To the temple of love.
Do you love life? What is life to you now? Describe it in three words…
I'm in love with life in a doubtless, passionate, feverishly elated way. Life is like a love partner – it lights you up, it inspires you, it turns you on, sometimes it takes you off track, at times it makes you cry because of it, it surprises you, it fills you up with love and amazement. And as long as it holds your hand, you are alive.
Life in three words – infinity, creation, love.
Which are the most beautiful sights in the world for you?
The strands of hair scattered on my daughter's pillow as she sleeps. A rising sun. A new-born. My mother’s eyes. Green nuances of trees during spring. Two adults walking through the park holding hands. The sea during summer storms. And so much more ... Everything we observe with love is beautiful.
Where do you feel “at home”?
In the library, on the sea shore and within an embrace of a loved one.
What gives you strength to carry on through difficult times?
Faith in the new sunrise. My daughter and the support of my loved ones. God.
Who supported you and influenced you the most?
Each person I met in my life and interacted with in a way has influenced me – my parents, my child, my teachers (especially my Music teacher in 6th grade), friends, customers, readers, men I've been with, my spiritual teachers, writers I've read ... In each relationship I observe myself as across a mirror, I change, I learn. There are relationships that teach me how to stand up for myself, others support me on the path I have chosen, some provoke me. I do believe there are no random encounters and random people in our lives.
If I try to be less philosophical, I would say my mother is the person always behind my back. Whether I was wrong or failing, she never ceased to support me willingly. This is the power of unconditional motherly love. My mother's faith always gave me wings.
Do you want to change something about yourself?
I believe one of our biggest priorities is to constantly change. Grow. Be a new person with every sunrise. Otherwise you find yourself on the path towards apathy, dying enthusiasm and passion for life. Every day I change things in myself and my life. I create my existence moment after moment. I introduce new healthy habits, I affirm virtues, I try to respond more adequately to fears, anger, different situations that make me angry or scared.
Have you discovered your calling?
Yes and I am very happy about it. My calling is to write. My calling is to inspire people to follow their path. To look for answers not outside of them, but to look within and see they are wonderful as they are. Books and love – this is my calling.
Do you fear death? Do you believe in Life after death?
I fear losing loved ones. Who doesn’t? Sometimes I think about my own death. I believe people should learn to accept their mortality, to realize it, in order to live fully. I believe the soul is an energy that is never lost in the universe, it just takes a new form.
What makes you feel alive?
Fulfilling a dream. Loving. Happy moments. Laughter. Time with loved ones. Reaching out a hand. And sometimes it happens just like that – as you walk along suddenly you feel your lungs fill up with life and freedom. You don’t know where it came from, but you feel life fearlessly running through your veins. And you are alive! And it is sacred!
What is loneliness to you?
I love being alone. In my solitude I often speak with God. Loneliness is scary – I lived through it as well – being with people, but being lonely on the inside. This loneliness is a sign your soul is missing something, it’s hurting.
What gives you a notion of eternity?
I remember clearly this moment – a few days after giving birth to my daughter, I took her hands. I felt how our hands together created a complete circle with warm love running thought it - whirling, burning, light love. The feeling was as if the whole world was sealed in the circle our hands formed. I can’t say why, but this is my first notion of eternity… you just feel there is love which is beyond life and death.
Which emotions do you feel most often?
Love, enthusiasm, inspiration. However, sadness, nostalgia and fear are no strangers to me as well.
If you can hug someone you normally can’t (famous or not), who would it be?
I would hug my grandfather who is not with us for a few years. I miss a lot his embraces where I somehow exhaled all my fears and problems. In his big warm embrace I realigned myself in a new more beautiful way. I miss these hugs so much.
Do you have inner peace?
Inner peace is something you might have in this moment and lose it in the next one. Right now I feel at peace with myself. But for the next moment… who knows.
What is happiness to you? Describe a perfect day…
Happiness is a mindset. Happiness is the way you choose to look at the world. Happiness has very little to do with external circumstances – getting something you desire, having something beautiful happen to you. Happiness is rather connected to your inner perceptions. It doesn’t depend much on where you are, what happens around you, it relates to what is in you, how do you look at reality around you at this moment. Happiness is a choice. My perfect days are all those days when I did not forget to love and to live my life inside out. When a person creates order within, the external chaos caused by various circumstances is not scary. And then everything is perfect – simply as it is.
What advice would you give to a child or to people in general, from your life experience?
Take responsibility and never let anyone convince you it is too late for your dreams or that there is no way to fulfil them or that you are not good enough. We are on this world for such a short time! We have no right to live mediocre lives. Each one of us has a bright and unique personality burning within. This personality can fulfill even the wildest dreams, it can create unprecedented and wonderful things, it can experience every moment of its existence as a flower that blossoms in love, within the heart. Grab your life and experience it as you like! Love, feel, thank, breathe thirstily its moments.
What can make you cry?
Today I walked my daughter to school and as I was walking back home I cried because I passed a playground where we used to go and play; I cried because for the first time this year I smelled the spring; I cried because I walked by two people in love, losing themselves in their embraces… Everything can make me cry. I cry because of joy, hurt, nostalgia, happiness. At times I wish I wasn’t so emotional and life did not provoke so much feelings in me. However, this sensitivity is very useful to me when I sit down to write.
What can make you smile?
So many things can make me smile, I love laughing and I laugh a lot. If I have to choose only one – it is children. There is nothing more interesting that talking to a 3-4-year-old child! Conversations with children, games with children - this time is always a time of smiles.
If you imagine your life as a puzzle, how well arranged and finished it is? Are there still missing pieces?
Our last day on Earth is the last piece of our life’s puzzle. Until then there is no way to finish it. There is always something yet to experience, to create, to see, to achieve, to try. And if we accept every day is a piece of that puzzle – at the end of our lives each day would have had a meaning to the whole picture we have created.
What do you appreciate the most in your life? What are you most grateful for?
My loved ones. My child. My partner. My parents. Relatives. Friends. Only thinking of them fills me up with gratitude. I am thankful for the opportunity to live my childhood dreams. I am grateful to the thousands of readers of my books.
I am grateful that I am alive today and that today I choose to follow the innermost path of my heart.
P.S. The same interview in Bulgarian is here
Същото интервю на български език е публикувано тук.
Благодаря на Вероника Йовчева за превода на английски език по нейна инициатива!
Thanks to Veronica Yovcheva for the translation in English!